Ode to the Australian Huntsman spider By Luke Simmons

"Huntsman spiders, members of the family Sparassidae, are known by this name because of their speed and mode of hunting. They are total assholes."

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Growing up in Australia, they're unfortunately a part of life. One moment you're feeling around for the light switch in the dark and nek minnit you're staring into one on the wall two inches away from your face.

I really like telling foreigners the story about my friend's sister who woke up in the morning with a massive Huntsman spread out across the middle of her face.

One story about them (that I know is true) revolves around my Dad when I was growing up. In our family home, all hell would break loose when a Huntsman was spotted on the ceiling.

"Get rid of it Dad!!!"

Now, anyone that's tried to get rid of a Huntsman know that they're slippery bastards. If you try and swat it with a newspaper, it's likely to tuck into the fold then leap out at you as soon as you say, "Maybe it disa-PPEARED!"

To get the job done, my Dad used to pull out the 10m long ducted vacuum (see above) which fires up when it gets connected to the wall and would nonchalantly walk up to the hairy beast and suck it up. I'll never forget the noise it made as our nemesis was sent down the tube. In fact, you could almost follow it along as completed the loop to loop.

And to put the final nail in the coffin, he'd sometimes chuck in a handful of stones for good measure.

in 116 Allison Rd, Mount Eliza, Victoria, Australia


I believe that life is a (relatively) short ride and that it's crucial to squeeze as many good times out of it as possible. I love travelling, music, reading, writing, all kinds o' sport, & my wife!

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