Our 27 year old son, Mike, was bringing his new girl, Lucy, home to meet us. He’d sung her praises so fervently it made us wonder if she was going to be his true love, the forever one.
“Invite her to the family dinner,” I said, “so we can all meet her.”
Not my best idea. Our two year old granddaughter had just learnt to make farting noises. She also liked to take people's shoes off and hide them. She was pretty damn good at it. In addition to her, we had five more smartarse kids at this dinner.
“There’s a sexy pole dancer called Lucy on YouTube ,” said the 10 year old.
“Is that you?”
"Sorry, I can't pole dance," said Lucy,
Lucy was charming, beautiful and smart, but she was an only child. She told us she was studying psychology.
Six year old grandson: “I’m going to a psychologist. Dad reckons I’m crazy.” He made a face to demonstrate his craziness.
The one year old brought her potty into the dining room and made herself comfortable. She wasn’t going to miss the action.
“Do you love Uncle Mike?” asked the seven year old.
The eight year old followed up. “Does he love you?”
“Do you have sleep-overs at his house?”
“Do you get pizzas for your sleep-overs?”
“What do you do after you’ve had pizza?”
Worldly eleven year old: "Do you do kissing and that?"
“Are you going to marry Uncle Mike?”
Lucy fielded the questions but I was seriously embarrassed, totally certain she wouldn't be back for a second visit. Miraculously, she has been. Maybe she is the one.