The family went bilberry picking. I was eight. We picked lots of bilberries, and my Mum made a big fuckoff pie.
In the late afternoon, my sister and me were in the back garden, playing on the climbing frame. We had a massive argument over some troll dolls. I pushed her, and she nearly fell off the climbing frame. She pushed me, and I did fall off the climbing frame.
I injured my arm and winded myself badly. As I lay there. My toddling baby brother emerged from the house with a large bowl of bilberry pie, and threw it at my face. He picked up the bowl again and threw it at my head two more times. My face was stained blood-red with the bilberry juice, and the pieces of pie crust clung to my skin like torn strips of flesh. My sister hid behind the ash tree in guilt.
My Mum came out into the garden to hang some washing. She thought I'd been mauled by a wild animal. Her scream alarmed the neighbours on both sides of us.