Unfortunate Wardrobe Malfunctions By Luke Simmons

I've had a gut-full of wardrobe malfunctions during work hours.

The first major breakdown I had was in 2007 when I travelled to Buenos Aires to train up a sales team in Rosario which was 2 hours away by bus. My meeting was first thing in the morning and I caught the last bus arriving late.

At one of the stops enroute, I somehow ripped the zipper clean off my slacks coming out of the mens. Having travelled light, I didn't have a spare meaning I'd have to spend the next day giving presentations "in the wind".

Kinda resigned in defeat, I found a bobby pin and thought it'd be my only hope. So I slotted in the ├╝ber-sharp implement at the half-way point, and prayed it'd stay put. Thank god it did and I really only had to manage my angles to ensure the flaps of my pin stripes fly region was on show.

So this nasty beast reared it's head again today. With a day of presentations planned and ready to go, I went down to pick up a pen and "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP".

My lord I thought to myself... To my colleague's credit, he [a] didn't hear the loud-as-a-cough ripping sound and/or [b] laugh and point at me.

With the coast seemingly clear, I then thought of three things, "How do I get outta here", "What colour jocks did I wear today?", and "How do I hide this massive hole I've made".

So I gave my presentation facing the audience kinda like the moon faces Earth (like a boss) and then went to the toilet to inspect the crater-sized hole I'd made. See the pic above for proof of what's left of my soon-to-be-binned trousers...

So I hear the Paleo diet's a good way to lose a little weight. Any comments on that?

in 453 Nepean Highway, Frankston, Victoria, Australia


I believe that life is a (relatively) short ride and that it's crucial to squeeze as many good times out of it as possible. I love travelling, music, reading, writing, all kinds o' sport, & my wife!

See Luke's profile.

Luke's website.


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