All Tied Up in Brazil By Luke Simmons

Confused and drunk Australian tourist: - "Where am I? What's going on?"

Attentive Brazilian doctor: - "Garble garble garble garble"

Confused and drunk Australian tourist: - "Arrrrrrrr!!!"

It was June 2014 and I was working as a local guide for an Australian touring group and I was having my last beer for the evening in readiness for the massive day ahead. All was going well until I got a phone call.

I was told that the police found an Australian sleeping outside a nightclub and they needed someone to help identify him. So I got to the hospital, spoke with a concerned nurse and as soon as I got into his ward, I "diagnosed" straight away that the guy was simply plastered.

I'm sure the guy has had more glamorous moments in his life because apparently he'd put up a bit of a struggle, so they decided to tie his arms and legs to opposite corners of the bed. And to add salt to the wound, he'd been stripped of his clothes and was wearing this weird looking, clear plastic nappy. Poor guy.

There had been stories about getting your kidneys stolen in Brazil, so could you imagine this guy coming to in an old hospital with everyone speaking in tongues? WTF indeed.

We managed to coax out of his hotel which lead us to his travel mate who'd been freaking (the hell) out waiting up for him. And with him on his way down to the hospital, it was 5am and time to go.

As I shut the door to the ward behind me, all I could hear was, "Where am I? What's going on?". For the millionth time...

in Porto Alegre - RS, Brazil


I believe that life is a (relatively) short ride and that it's crucial to squeeze as many good times out of it as possible. I love travelling, music, reading, writing, all kinds o' sport, & my wife!

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