Nice Guys Always Finish Last By Rahul Kohli

It's muck up day-eve, the night before the last ever day of school and sixth form. After this, it's exams, summer, then hopefully University, and the dispersion of me and all my friends all over the country.

For muck up day, its a tradition that the year all camp out on the school field. Most of the year decided to drink and have a party on the field. Me and a friend decided to hit a club and join the party on the field later. Me and the friend arrived at the school field around 2.30am expecting to find the party on the field in full flow...but it wasn't. Tents were up, everyone was asleep, and the field was a barren desolate wasteland of anti-patter... save one man.

One man in a corner curled up, shivering in the cold, head in his own vomit. My friend being a borderline sociopath found it hilarious and suggested we go take pictures, but I took pity on the guy. I'd never spoken to this kid, but went up asked him if he was ok?

He told me he wanted his tent and water, so being a good samaritan, I fireman lifted this guy back to his tent. On the way I smelt a horrible stench of shit. I thought, "Ew this guy's vomit stinks of shit, wtf?" I soldiered on, and took him into his tent, into his sleeping bag, gave him water, made sure he was ok. Once I knew he was, I left, and I thought, "Ew I can still smell shit". I bump into my friend, who promptly informs me there is shit on my neck and shoulder. The guy had shit himself on me as I was carrying him. Shoulda just taken pictures.

in Newcastle upon Tyne, United Kingdom


Part time comedian/part time writer/part time bum. Have a habit of finding myself in ridiculous situations.

See Rahul's profile.

Rahul's website.


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