Procrastinating By Pete Rosky

All the jokes have been done. The word play has become monotonous. Yet, I still procrastinate.
I make lists of things I need to do or want to accomplish. I have the best of intentions. This weekend I was going to wash the car, mow the lawn, eat healthier, write some comedy, and tidy the house. I did none of these things. Tomorrow, I will make a new list, and cross virtually nothing off of it. Why? Because that's who I am. I am a procrastinator. I am good at it. By way of example, I'll explain why I didn't wash the car. Well, let me go back a step. Let's start with eating healthier. The reason I had take away today was because I had so many things on my list, I didn't want to waste time cooking food, so I just grabbed some KFC. I'm not sure if there's some sort of chemical in this greasified chicken, but within an hour of eating, I took a nap. When I woke up, I had to check Facebook to see what people were doing. Then I was hungry again, and I ate a bag of Doritos. I did a load of wash. I had to. I had no clean work shirts otherwise. I went to mow the lawn, remembered the whippa snippa didn't work, and thought why mow if you can't get the weeds and edges. So, I took another nap. When I woke up, I started thinking about how much I procrastinate, and decided to clean the house. I'll do that when I'm done writing this. Unless it's too late. I'll probably explain why I didn't wash the car in my next story. I better go hang out the wash.

in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia


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