I thought Canada was supposed to be friendly/Scottish humour. By Paul McDougall

Whilst visiting family in Canada I did what every Scottish person does when they are abroad, get up to watch the national team play regardless of where it is or time difference.

I got up and went to the centre of Calgary to find that the pub was not open yet and I was hungry and cold. I needed some Michelin-star-style-scran so I went to a fairly known burger joint that shall remain nameless.

I was stood about 3 people back in the queue waiting to get served and this place was huge. I looked down the 'restaurant' to see a guy was about to get served when out of nowhere a native Canadian woman walked up behind him and screamed 'GET OUT THE WAY YA FREAKIN ASSHOLE'. Everyone got a fright, the place went quiet. Then everyone carried on whilst the queue had been served in front of me and it was now my turn. I was about to order my food and as I opened my mouth to speak, I didn't sense, hear or realise what was about to happen. Right behind me "GET OUT THE WAY YA FREAKIN ASSHOLE"

I shat myself.

Then she left and a Canadian guy across from me looked at me and said "we should find a way of harvesting her body for electricity" now at this point I thought everyone on the planet loved Scottish humour so I replied...

"Naw mate, we should just stab her"

The place went quiet again and I left burger-less.

True story.

in Calgary, AB, Canada


Paul McDougall is a Scottish comedian based in Edinburgh and has been on the circuit for over 2 years now. His laidback stories are heard in comedy clubs around the country. Regular Comedian and MC.

See Paul's profile.

Paul's website.


  • Share this on...
  • Twitter
  • Google+
  • StumbleUpon

Flag this story

You might like: