Easy As Riding A Bike? By Jeff Howard

Everyone’s got that one cheesy saying that they hate being told to them. Am I right?

I absolutely hate it when someone tells me that something is “as easy as riding a bike,” because truth is I had extreme difficulty riding a bike growing up. I was always that kid walking my bike about 100 yards behind my buddies. “Hey Joe, just grab me a Coca-Cola slurpee and I’ll give you the $1.25 when I get there,” I shouted, wheezing all the way up the hill, bike in tow.

My wife and I recently went into a bike shop. We figured it might be fun to ride together. I mean, how hard can it be as an adult right? I tried to get on a bike and couldn’t even balance myself. I tipped over and took out the 12 bikes to my immediate right along with a 5 year old boy. At least I think he was 5, because he was looking at the same bikes with training wheels as I was.

I am absolutely terrified of the day my daughter asks me to teach her how to ride a bike. I’m pretty much expecting to reenact that scene from 40 Year Old Virgin where Steve Carell crashes through the billboard truck at the end of the movie. The only difference will be, instead of being greeted with a kiss from a good-looking woman as I lay motionless in the street, I’ll be greeted with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from a large, sweaty EMS dude.


in New York, NY, United States

 243

Creator of Phun_Intended, a comedy blog. I also tell jokes on stage sometimes.

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