Some gift's keep on giving! By Jake Bourke

After a period of time with someone you can expect a certain amount of gift getting. And in my current relationship things are no different, I love animals and I always have, and so does my partner. So, to cheer me up after a tough month she decided to get me a gift. So she bought me a pet. I like to think that you can tell how long someone expects to stay with by what pet they buy you. Receive a dog and that's an investment of 10-14 years. So imagine my surprise when I got a rat. With an average life span of 2 years.

Having never previously expressed an interest in owning a rat I was then expected to take care of one. Apparently they don't survive very long along alone. So I bought Val a friend. I've never been responsible for an animal before. It was a steep learning curve when the second rat I bought, River, began to gain weight against reason. I am not ashamed to say I panicked as I watched it grow fatter and fatter. I changed it's diet. I exercised it more often and I even took time off to observe it and make sure it wasn't stealing food somehow. And I just watched her get fatter and fatter and fatter until I woke up one day and she wasn't fat anymore.I realised I didn't own 2 rats. I owned 12 rats. And what's even worse is how people react when you say you have pet rats. 'Oh! If you die in that room they'll eat you!' So when I look into their little eyes that's all I think. But they're more likely thinking 'Oh! If we die in this cage, the giant is going to eat us!'


in Dublin, Ireland

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Jake Bourke is a stand up comedian, writer, artist and producer from Limerick, Ireland. Based in Dublin Jake is a regular at all of Ireland’s comedy clubs.

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