Strip Club Surprise By Grant Pirie

I had just finished partaking in an argument with my girlfriend at the time when I decided the best thing to do was take a stroll around town and cool off. While minding my own business, walking up the high street, a club promoter handed me a leaflet for one of the local strip clubs. Being in the state I was, I decided the best thing for me was a professional titty dance. He told me to ask for Toya as she would give me a little more ‘bang for my buck’. Not one to pass up such an opportunity, I headed to the strip club and proceeded to seek out the lovely Toya. It didn’t take me long to seek out this classy dame and before I knew it she was leading me through to receive the special private dance. As soon as I entered the private booth I was told to give her the 20 quid and sit on my hands, I felt this was a little cheeky but who am I to complain, this is her expertise not mine. So I’m sitting on my hands as Toya starts to dance away in front of me, asking me if I’m having a good time and if I want her top to come off. Eager to get this show on the road I begin to talk the big game and tell her to get her knickers off.

She comes right up to my face and begins to untie the bikini style bottoms that she has on, before I can even blink they are on the ground. In this irreversible moment I discovered what my surprise was….Toya’s penis. By this point though I am 20 quid in and sitting on my hands so I am just going to have to grin and bear it as Toya’s willy is slowly dragged across my poor wee face. This is where my distinct way of thinking kicks in and I decide to ask for the manager. I explain to him that under Section 15 of the Sale of Goods Act these goods are not fit for the purpose of which I purchased them, and that I wish to receive a refund. I was instantly kicked out of the club to lick my wounds and clean my defiled face. Moral of the story, we all have to just grin and bear the pains that life throw at us, even if it is a transsexuals willy in your face.


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Comedian and musician from Aberdeen, Scotland. Feel free to add me on Facebook and Twitter if the feeling takes you

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