Beliefs By Damien Power

We’re one percent genetically different to an ape. One percent! Think about what’s in that one percent. Language, art, space travel!

Then imagine the difference between us and a donkey. The gap between us and a donkey is so great that you could punch a donkey and jerk it off in a paddock and it would have no idea why you did it. It wouldn't even be able to tell other donkeys, “Dude, don’t go to the paddock. Something weird happened - it was good. I don’t know. I'm gonna write a novel about it…” You can’t do that!

We’re so advanced that you could build a giant mirror maze in your backyard, punch it at one end, it would run to the other end saying, “Oo, there’s heaps of me” looking around. And then, it gets to the other end. Then you jerk it off and it says, “Oo, that felt good”. Then it runs back to the other end and you punch it and it says, “Oo, that hurt”. And then it runs to the other end, you put it in a crane and load it into a casino. You then chase it around with a horn.

And it’d have no idea why you did it. Who you are. What your motivation is and whether you’re even there! They wouldn't even know why you’re doing it. Neither would your neighbours…

All I'm trying to say is, we’re so much more advanced than a donkey genetically, that you can control its anxiety, its pleasure, its depression, its reality. What it sees, and what it feels.

All I'm trying to say is, if there’s an alien so much more advanced than us, how do we know that our reality isn't just a punch, jerk off, mirror maze and a casino…

in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia


Nominated Best Newcomer (2013) and Most Outstanding Show (2015) Melbourne Comedy Festival, tours nationally and internationally. Rising star of Australian comedy.

See Damien's profile.

Damien's website.


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