The Day Scotland Sucked By Christopher Jordan

That... was... hilarious! Oh you shat the bed, didn't ye? Yes, you! 'People'! (insert diarrhea noise)

That's right! You spilled beer on the DJ's decks and killed the party, broke the cats leg, and now your sensible boyfriend is furious 'cause all his mates think he's a twat by proxy.

"Why are you so mad? Get over it! I don't see what the big deal is!" you say in the street. "Stop being a jerk! I can do what I want!" ...And he fantasizes about grabbing you, and shaking you, and screaming... "YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!!! DON'T YOU GET IT!? YOU MORON! ...wait ...where are my car keys?" "I gave them to Cammy", you say. " what?" " Cammy's on a fear run cause we drank it all." "... Cammy is wasted. Cammy crashed his own car. CAMMY RUNS PEOPLE OVER!" That's when you just scoff and turn away. "Whatever."

The rage builds, but calmly he says, "Look, you have to understand, that was the best party we've ever been invited to. There was a lot of opportunity there for people who had none, a chance to make friends and find our place, be a part of the world and not just sit about at home with Old Westminster anymore. Instead... because you can't handle yer fear... we're hated and made fun of by everyone else, our vehicle is in the hands of a psychopath and we have to pay for the damages to his cat. I know you were out your face on fear and didn't know what you were doing, but still, you really have spoiled a lot of things for a lot of people. You should apologize."

It's gonna be tense in the house for the next few days. (I didn't vote)

in Scotland, United Kingdom


BE WARNED! My views and opinions are not for everyone. You should avoid reading anything I write if you respect religion, tolerance, sobriety or general human decency.

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