Hannah McCloud was probably the hottest girl I ever got to fuck, and yeah I'm bragging! I don't get to fuck a lotta hot chicks! I've fucked girls so ugly my friends have fallen out with me the next day. I mostly pick up girls when I'm at the front of a fuckin' long taxi queue after the clubs close. (My girlfriend's hot but she's mentally unstable.) But Hannah was different. I met her at a bus stop at 10am, and I was drunk and picking up a guitar my buddy was fixing for me. So standing there, unwashed, in sweatpants, stumbling and stuttering, I asked her for a drink and she said yes. So we went for a drink, and I was shaking from drugs but I said it was nerves so she'd think I was cute! (I am cute.) And we had a lot to drink. Then outta sympathy or whatever it was, she came back to mines, and when we got in, a delivery arrived for me. A great big fuckin' massive amazing guitar amp! It cost more than my car! It was the best day of my life.
...Then Hannah McCloud let me shag her! And it worked! Usually I end up just tryin' to keep them faced away while I fail to squeeze blood into a cold, useless cocktail sausage. Not this time!
We screwed like retarded otters, fuckin' blood and chick-jizz everywhere and I spunked all over her face...
...AND THEN I BURST INTO FUCKIN' TEARS!!! AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!! I REALLY DON'T! Cause I'm a weird guy, but I'm not THAT weird! She looked at my like I was gonna mumble, "Don't make me mommy! She's nice", into my own hands! urgh!