Girlfriend By Christopher Jordan

My girlfriend is a fucking psychopath, which I figured it out fairly early on in the relationship, but it really hit me when I opened the medicine drawer and found more pills than in a czech nightclub. This bitch goes through over-the-top moodswings like a schizophrenic being beaten up by his mother.

And yeah, I love her and she's hot... but she's fuckin' gross! I dropped her at the train station 20 minutes ago and she somehow managed to puke on her credit card, as any sane individual is known to do on their way to a university meeting. And off she went, shuffling down the steps in a humph that could suck the joy out of a blowjob!

Of course, that's all reasonable, considering she's going out with me. It takes an unstable maniac to live with an unstable maniac. But since her heart attack (which I think I helped cause), she can't get drunk or high like we used to, so she just lays around, watching me and my dumb-fuck friends gut-punch ourselves with chemicals and talk absolute shit about topics we don't have the slightest idea about!

The reality is, being a mental-case and being sober don't mix. She's fascinating because she's a FREAK (a Fucked up, Reactionary, Egotistical, Arrogant Kunt), and although most of the time I wanna strangle her in her sleep, I still prefer her to be alive. Wouldn't have it any other way. Besides, she's cute when she pukes.

in Edinburgh, United Kingdom


BE WARNED! My views and opinions are not for everyone. You should avoid reading anything I write if you respect religion, tolerance, sobriety or general human decency.

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