Give My Regards to the Chef By Andy Thompson

I travel a lot for work and being alone in a strange town can really get me down in the dumps, especially when I need to find a place to dine. Sure, lying in a mushy bed in a dank motel room while I eat pizza and drink beer in my undies, waiting for “Embarrassing Bodies” to start on television so I can compare rashes has its own appeal, I do like to get out and explore my surroundings. I just hate the awkwardness of eating alone. My father tells me he loves it and passes the time by doing a spot of people watching. In my world, this is called creepy staring and I’d rather do that on the sly. I've since found a novel way to pass the time in a restaurant packed with people. I pretend to be a food critic. It’s highly liberating, I must say.

Recently I visited a nice restaurant in Bargara and shortly after I sat down I noticed a few people staring at me, so I pulled out a notebook and started jotting down my review. It is outlined below:

Entrée: 3 beers from the bar. Beers were delicious. Would drink again. Probably in about an hour.

Bread has arrived! I check to see if it is bread. I tap the loaf with a knife and smile. It is indeed bread.

Main meal: Moreton bay Bugs with red chilli sambal. Meal is delicious. Reminds me of Jakarta.

Mental note: Visit Jakarta some time

The waitress brought me my bill and asked if everything was okay. I could tell she had her suspicions about my surreptitious scribbling. “We’ll see” I replied as I walked away. "We'll see."

in Bargara, Queensland, Australia


I tell jokes for cash, manly hugs and free drinks. I’ll tell you which way the water flows for free. Comedian, engineer, writer and husky man-about-town.

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