Trying not to be a c*** By Steven J. Noridiculousmiddlenames Whiteley

So, I'm a comedian. Judging by my audience reactions and the amount of work I get, I seem to be quite good at it. But there seems to be a common misconception that comedians are good people. We make people laugh, laughter is a good thing, ergo we are good people. It's not true. Not for me anyway. I've spent most of my life being a bit of a cunt. I've lied, cheated, stolen from decent people and generally done a lot of stuff that good people don't do. Do I regret these things I hear you ask. Well, whilst I don't always regret the things I've done, I do honestly regret the effect that my actions have had. That's an important distinction. A lot of the things I've done have been out of sheer necessity and survival and if I was in the same position, I'd do them again. I probably wouldn't be here if I hadn't. I do honestly wish I could go back to every person I've hurt and apologise. But I can't. What I have done and continue to do is to make my life and experiences as entertaining as I can. I've learned that a negative can be turned into a positive. So that's what I do. I take my fucked up excuse of a life and use it to make people laugh. I often wonder if they know that they're laughing at the truth. I think most of them do, but they forgive me because I made them laugh. I prefer my life this way. Making people laugh is a lot nicer than the other things I've done. My point is, if you have the choice, and we all do, don't be a cunt. Or be a funny one...


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